my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
