Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
