at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
