Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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