we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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