in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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