A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
