Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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