she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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