I like my sex mixed with concussions.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
