I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
