3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
