9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
