I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
