remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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