so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
