In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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