this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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