i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
