What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
