Do you still have your period?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize