So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
