just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
