I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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