I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize