Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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