Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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