I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
