I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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