there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
