Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
