I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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