so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
