rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
