If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
