forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
