Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
