You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
