i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
