thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
