I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
