i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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