My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
handjob tips. give me some.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize