Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
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