Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
