ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
