I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
