My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
