i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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