oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
