To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
