What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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