you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
worst night to have a conscience
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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