my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
