The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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