goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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