oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize