He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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