Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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