dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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