How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
