I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
