I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
