If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
